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Episode 245: Abbie

Season 19, Episode 3

Age: 26
Location: Marquette, Michigan
Addiction: Alcohol

What’s Memorable: That the ex-husband who horrifically abused her and triggered her addiction, after having gone through anger management, has somehow become the better parent.  That’s saying a lot. When he apologizes during the intervention for hurting her, her response is really emotional and I imagine pretty cathartic. Also it’s amazing how powerful the force of wanting to be a better parent is to most addicts. It’s quite often that the children are the reason why they decide to go to treatment and it was definitely the biggest reason in Abbie’s case.

Official Synopsis: Abbie was a young mom with dreams of going to college for photography. But she was hiding a dark secret from her family. Her boyfriend, and father of her daughter, had become physically and mentally abusive. The beatings escalated, and Abbie ended up in surgery after a punch to the face shattered bones and required three metal plates. Abbie began drinking excessively to cope with the abuse. Though she finally pressed charges after he threw boiling soup on her, Abbie is now a fullblown alcoholic. Her parents are raising her daughter while Abbie lives nearby with a new boyfriend who enables her addiction. Her alcoholism has gotten so bad that Abbie already has chronic liver, kidney, and bone marrow damage. Without help, Abbie’s family fears that her daughter will lose her mom for good.

Date Aired: June 2018
Interventionist: Ken

Categories: Abusive Relationship, Alcohol, Ken, Season 19


24 Responses to “Episode 245: Abbie”

  1. I think Ken made a bit of a boo-boo on this one. Ray, Abbie’s abusive ex-husband, should not have been allowed to participate in the intervention process, and I don’t really understand Ken’s logic for allowing him to do so. Ray can apologise to Abbie until his tongue falls out, but it still doesn’t change what he did to her. His presence at the intervention only brings up the painful past for Abbie and her family, and if I were the interventionist I’d tell Ray that I appreciate his concern and his willingness to participate, but due to the past circumstances concerning their relationship he will not be welcome to participate in the intervention process.

    Posted by Janelle | June 20, 2018, 10:47 am
    • i see where you’re coming from but i disagree. i think the apology meant so much to her and she needed to hear it. she even said, “an apology is all i ever wanted” as she started crying.

      Posted by Brooke | July 7, 2019, 8:40 pm
  2. I think Ken mentioned that the main reason he wanted Ray to participate was so that he could finally apologize to Abbie for all of the horrible things he did to her. After his apology Abbie herself even said something like all she ever wanted to hear from him was apology. I think maybe having Ray there to acknowledge the horrible things he did and to apologize for them was the very first, tiny step towards her beginning the healing the process. I hope she’s doing well, she deserves to be healthy and happy!

    Posted by Teagan Gray | June 20, 2018, 3:42 pm
    • Yes, I remember that, but the intervention wasn’t the appropriate place. Ray’s presence could have created a major distraction, and made the intervention more difficult, because it would have brought to the surface everyone’s anger toward Ray, and made the whole thing all about Ray and what he did to Abbie, not about Abbie’s addiction and her family wanting her to get help. Ray should have been kept away from the intervention because keeping him away would help Abbie realise it’s time to move forward with her life, and Ken should have told him that he needs to apologise to Abbie after she returns from treatment, and that it would be better for her recovery if he kept as much distance from her as possible. Luckily it all worked out in the end and she went to treatment, and that’s what matters.

      Posted by Janelle | June 21, 2018, 8:50 am
      • Ray didn’t seek out participation in the intervention – he didn’t even know about it until the morning it happened. I think it was pretty astute of Ken to realize that Abby was unable to move on without an apology from Ray. I would have thought differently about his presence if he had not a) been actively involved in an anger management program; b) taken responsibility for what he had done; c) not been a permanent part of Abby’s life because they have a child together; d) most importantly, not been safe to be around Abby. I think his participation was a major factor in her agreeing to treatment as was her realization that Ray was, as long as she was active in her addiction, a better parent than she was.

        In other words, I don’t think that Ray’s participation was about Ray – I think it was about Abby. And it worked.

        Posted by Elizabeth | June 21, 2018, 10:07 am
    • I totally agree, hearing the apology and his accepting his wrongfulness absolutely helps with beginning to heal. For both parties.

      Posted by Rachael Burge | July 19, 2018, 12:45 pm
  3. Did anyone else notice Ken is getting seriously buff? He’s popping out of his clothes! He’s my favorite interventionist (tied with Candy anyway lol) and I’m so happy to see him doing well.

    Abbie….wow. Her absolute insistence on driving while drunk really bugged me. It bugged me even more that the family didn’t call the police immediately when she DID drive drunk. As blasted as she was all the time, it was only a matter of time before she crashed. She needed to go to jail and pay SAFE consequences rather than killing herself or an innocent family while driving drunk. By protecting her they were enabling her behavior.

    I’m still amazed at how beautiful she was before she became an alcoholic and how unbelievably horrible she looked after a couple of years of heavy drinking – her episode would be a good one to play at high schools to show how alcoholism seriously destroys your looks.

    My opinion on having Ray the ex-husband on the show is that Ken made a 100% correct decision. She needed to hear his sincere apology for her own healing. I doubt she would have gotten help without it, so great job on this one, Ken!!

    Posted by Duchess | June 21, 2018, 2:14 pm
  4. Abbie is someone you can tell is just an awesome person when sober. She has a big heart and cares so much about those around her.

    Posted by Stefan | June 21, 2018, 4:04 pm
  5. Looks like she and Ray are back together, they both have posted pictures of themselves with their daughter as profile pictures on facebook. And she has indicated she is in a relationship so its most likely them being together


    How unfortunate considering how terrible he was to her. Even his apology was a half-assed abuser’s type of apology, “I didn’t meant to hurt you like that”. I just wanted the dad to turn to him and ask “oh so how did you want to hurt her then?”. What a shame…..

    I truly hope that their relationship doesn’t revert to what it once was because that poor girl’s voice when asking where her mom was going broke my heart for her.

    Posted by Marie | July 2, 2018, 2:01 pm
  6. Who isn’t an alcoholic in Marquette? I lived there for ten years and that is not an uncommon problem. I was a bartender in the area, so I know whereof I speak. It is winter like nine months of the year, and if you aren’t into outdoor activities (which, often include drinking as well), you end up doing as the natives do; drinking yourself into oblivion.

    As for her comment about the police knocking her tooth out at the beginning, I believe that wholeheartedly. The police are absolutely awful there; real backwoods pieces of crap.

    The best thing I ever did for myself and family was to get the hell out of there.

    Posted by Debra Ruff | July 8, 2018, 1:26 pm
  7. This is why I will never work with, or understand, abused women. Back together? There is nothing in the universe that will ever make this make sense for me.

    Posted by Anonymous | August 14, 2018, 8:27 am
    • Then you need to do some serious self-education and self-evaluation, period. It is a blessing to all abuse survivors that you do not work in that field.

      Posted by Laura | August 15, 2018, 1:20 pm
      • Wow, that was unnecessary. This person meant exactly what they said. I too understand the pathology behind battered women, but know myself well enough to know that I do not have the patience for it. As a child of a battered woman, I’ve been on the other side. Not everyone is cut out to do that kind of work, but you probably can’t do my job, either. You don’t need to be so hateful. It’s honestly frustrating and it’s a tough job, andy many of us couldn’t do it. You don’t exactly seem to be making a great case for yourself though by acting like this.

        Posted by berlyn | November 28, 2018, 9:23 pm
  8. I’m sorry, he could literally kill her. I will never see this as a good thing. I’m dealing with it in my personal life right now and I have to worry if the person is going to live or die if she goes back. I wish I could fix them, but it appears nothing I do or say helps.

    Posted by Anonymous | August 15, 2018, 3:30 pm
  9. I have never felt compelled to comment here even though I’ve been a reader for years but after this episode I could not help myself. I honestly have nothing but hatred towards Ray and I wish Abbie and her daughter would stay far away from him forever. It saddens me to even think they have possibly gotten back together. There is tremendous research and evidence (Google Lundy Bancroft) that abusive can rarely if ever be rehabilitated even with intensive therapy.

    Abbie is a bright light and a beautiful person and that Ray ws allowed to participate in her intervention is a disgrace and an affront. I hope someday she can get away from him for herself and her daughter’e sake. Of course I am happy she got sober and wish her continued health and wellness and safety and sobriety.

    Posted by JT | December 11, 2018, 3:28 pm
  10. I am speculating but I think the reason Ray was brought on board for the intervention had to do with the idea that drugs are the symptoms and going away for therapy and care has as much to do with the underlying issues as with the addiction itself.
    So, the spirit might have been to release at least some of the tension related to what had happened before she went. Abuse victims often feel guilty and responsible for their own predicament; getting Ray to say that it was his fault, that he did this to her (through the apology) was about her giving herself permission to start to heal. The blame was his and it put her psychologically in a situation where she didn’t have to feel guilty for taking back power over her life.
    And of course we don’t know everything. Even before the news they at least temporarily reunited later, the mere fact she had refused to banish him from her daughter’s life and insisted he stayed around means that, for better or for worse (and I think we can all agree it is very likely to be for worse), she still had a lot of unresolved emotions towards him. If the interventionist wanted all the people who cared for her and that she cared for in the room, he needed to be there.
    Let me put it another way: I have been discovering and binge-watching the show this past week and it strikes me that many many family members (generally parents) who are clearly emotionally abusive and partially responsible for the situation are inevitably present during the intervention. Physical abuse is of course a lot more obvious a type of abuse but it doesn’t strike me as such a diversion from the usual choice which is to include everybody in the intervention.

    Posted by FrenchBug | December 27, 2018, 6:27 pm
  11. If you look at their facebooks, Ray and Abbie ARE NOT and WERE NOT in a relationship after the intervention. They are both dating other people and Abbie still lives in Texas. She looks incredible. Such an awesome person underneath that addiction.

    Posted by Caroline | June 11, 2019, 8:27 pm
  12. I am so, so happy to know she is doing well!! I have watched this episode a couple of times and it makes me so sad and angry. Domestic violence AND a terrible addiction?! God bless her for having the wherewithal to make it to the other side!

    Posted by ARGIRL | October 24, 2019, 4:18 am
  13. Dessa’s fiance was a little creepy for my taste.

    Posted by Andy | December 31, 2019, 8:46 am

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